How to Find a Last Minute Gift

eHow Of The Day

How to Find a Last Minute Gift

by CC Brackman

Have you ever had your gift shopping done, only to realize that you need something last minute for someone and don't know what to give them? Many times it isn't the expense, it's trying to find the right gift for the right person that drives you a little bit crazy. Here are some last minute gift ideas, some you may already have on hand, and some you wouldn't have ever thought to give.…Keep reading

Funny Poetrezine!

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FUNNY OF THE WEEK:
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One hot summer evening an man was walking in the
countryside when he came upon a large pond which
looked like a great place to swim.

Sure enough, as he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw there was a bunch of young
women skinny dipping in the pond.

Their clothes were lying on the bank in front of him.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all
went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him,

"We're not coming out until you leave!"

The man replied:

"It's O.K.! I didn't come down here to watch you ladies
swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only
came to feed the alligator."

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FUNNY POEM OF THE WEEK:

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BOOBS

(subtitled: Points North)
(sub-subtitled: Thanks for the Mammaries)

Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace

Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip…out
They stay put…just where they are

And I'm not one to seek much attention
So you won't find me strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
by gravity defying
to leave no room, not even for doubt

But I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at parties you know
With all confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go

Though I've heard from a big bosomed buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
She says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things a guy sees"

Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me

Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done quite a bit of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned

There's questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke Duncan's eye in his sleep

Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute

Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
There's much I'd aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru

In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Police'd use me to stop traffic flow

Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
To stay as they are for a while

And there's my sweetie who totally accepts me
For he loves each and every little…bit
He says "stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As he gazes into my eyes…not my tits

http://www.funnypoets.com

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"Earn a Full-time Income from Part-time Poetry!"

Want to leave your job and earn the same income
(or more) from poetry? You don't know where to start?

Find hundreds of tips and ideas from successful poets
in the exciting new e-book 'Earn a Full-time Income from
Part-time Poetry', compiled by Arcadia Flynn.

Omss, click here to find out more:

http://www.funnypoets.com/income4poets.htm

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Wealth Skills, P.O.Box 1041, Maleny, Qld 4552, Australia

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[Poetry Chaikhana] Hildegard of Bingen - O virga mediatrix / Alleluia-verse for the Virgin

Here's your Daily Poem from the Poetry Chaikhana --

O virga mediatrix / Alleluia-verse for the Virgin

By Hildegard of Bingen
(1098 - 1179)

English version by Barbara Newman

Alleluia! light
burst from your untouched
womb like a flower
on the farther side
of death. The world-tree
is blossoming. Two
realms become one.

-- from Symphonia: A Critical Edition of the Symphonia armonie celstium revelationum, by Hildegard of Bingen / Translated by Barbara Newman

Amazon.com

/ Photo by Rev Stan /

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Thought for the Day:

Accept yourself
so deeply
that you are not afraid to let go
of what is not you.

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Here's your Daily Music selection --

Vince Guaraldi

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Listen - Purchase

More Music Selections

Hi Omss -

I thought this poem might offer some nice imagery to explore in the week before Christmas...

Many westerners who were raised in the Christian tradition but who have gone on to explore other spiritual traditions often shy away from a figure like Mary. The emphasis on her virginity sounds to modern secular thinkers like questionable biology, and a religious disdain for normal human sexuality. Frequent references to her womb can, at times, sound as if religious thinkers only value women as vehicles through which children are born. Those notions are certainly serious social concerns, but we can understand this same imagery as carrying profound spiritual meaning, as well.

One way to understand the figure of Mary is that she represents the heart or the soul. Joseph represents the intellect. From this perspective, the gospel story of the virgin birth takes on ever deeper dimensions.

In the mystical tradition, the soul must first stop attempting to take false lovers in every outer experience (represented in the Christian tradition by the figure of Mary Magdalene), and yearn so deeply for the true Beloved within that she (the soul) becomes restored to her natural "untouched" state (represented by Mary's virginity). That is, the soul must become purified, inward focused, unattached, "untouched" by the experiences of the outer world. Mary's virginity is a virginity of awareness, what the Buddhist tradition might call "original mind".

When this happens deeply enough, the divine touch comes, and a new life is formed within you (the Christ child in Christian tradition). You experience an overwhelming sense of joy that is felt as a new presence in the body. And your heart is warmed; it opens with an immense love.

But the father of this new life is not Joseph. The heart does not conceive by the intellect, but by direct communion with the Eternal. At this stage, the intellect has a choice: Retreat into cold denial, proclaiming, 'I do not know that child' and reject the heart and the life it carries; or it can recognize that something deeply sacred is taking place, something not of its own making, and then take responsibility and provide for the growth and maturation of that inner illumination.

In this way, the Christian gospel drama is played out in you and me and in all devout mystics. This isn't something experienced only by Christians; here, we are simply using Christian language to describe a universal mystical experience...

Carrying our esoteric understanding of Mother Mary to a broader level, Mary's womb is the primal womb, the womb of creation. The womb is the empty space in which life takes form. It is emptiness, formlessness, night, void, nirvana. Mary is all these things in Christian symbolism, just as are all world images of the Divine Feminine. Mary represents the formless void, which burst forth in "light" and form and manifestation.

Let's talk about the light imagery for a moment. For genuine mystics, this light is not a mere concept; it is directly experienced. This sense of light is more than a brightness one might experience on a sunny afternoon. This light is perceived as being a living radiance that permeates everything, everywhere, always.

Christian mystics often identify this foundational light with Christ. This is the light Hildegard says has burst from the Virgin's "untouched womb."

The light is seen to be ever expanding, radiating out from a central point, "like a flower." It is immediately understood to be the true source of all things, the foundation on which the physicality of the material world is built. This is why the Gospel of John declares that "all things were made through him and without him was not anything made."

This light of the mystic is eternal and whole. Its sum is always complete with no loss and no end. And, when the mystic truly bathes in the outpouring of this light, the sense of death itself seems to be washed away. There seems to be no small sense of self apart from that light, there is nothing left that is vulnerable to death. The light is "on the farther side / of death."

And this living light is the medium that bridges the heavenly and the earthly levels of reality, "Two / realms become one." Speaking as this bridge, Christ in the Gospels states simply, "I am the way." -- a statement sadly misconstrued by literalist Christians for millennia as an assertion that Christianity is the one and only way to reach God. This light is a reality for deep mystics of all world traditions. Christians identify it with Christ. Hindus may name it Shiva or Ishwara or another face of the Divine. A Muslim may recognize it as the smile of the Beloved, a glimmering angel that leads one nearer to Allah. Or why name it at all? Better to witness it, be carried in its current to a place beyond names, a place where the world-tree (primal maternal nature and earthly manifestation) is blossoming...

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I'll be taking brief pause, and then more poetry next week.

Have a blessed season of light!

Ivan

Share Your Thoughts on today's poem or my commentary...

/ Photo by Patrick Hoesly /

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