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Poets.org: Highlights from the 2010 Poets Forum
Wild & Strange Language: Hejinian, Padgett, Phillips & Ryan
Panel Highlights: Poetic Inspiration & The Legacy of Walt Whitman
10 Audio Recordings: Kinnell, Nye, Padgett & More
Funny Poetrezine!
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PO Box 1041 ~
Maleny, Queensland
4552 Australia
Phone: 0417 721 802
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FUNNY OF THE WEEK:
========================================
A man was walking along a beach in Florida and
stumbled across an old lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, OK, You released me from the
lamp...blah..blah..blah....times are hard at the moment
and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can
forget about three. You only get one wish!"
So the man sat and thought about it for a while and
said, "I've always wanted to go to Ireland but I'm
scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build
me a bridge over the Atlantic to Ireland so I can drive
over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think
of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever
reach the bottom of the Atlantic? Think of how much
concrete ... how much steel! No! Think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've got trouble with the women in my
office and my life. Like my wife, they all say that I don't
care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could
understand women ... know how they feel inside and
what they're thinking when they give me the silent
treatment ... know why they're crying, know what
they really want when they say 'nothing' ... know
how to make them truly happy..."
The genie said,
"You want that bridge with two lanes or four …….?"
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FUNNY POEM OF THE WEEK:
========================================
FIFTY SOMETHING
"Do you know...what day it is?"
"Nope"...said my beau. "What's today?"
"Well! If you can't remember", I cried
"I'm not gonna say.
Well aren't you gonna ask me?"
I insisted with a few tears.
"Alright", he said..."you're fifty today...
and you have been for three or four years".
That wasn't what I wanted to hear.
Just a few...simple birthday wishes,
a romantic night...a bottle of wine
and someone to do the dishes.
Instead...like a mature plucked Cinderella
with mascara blurred...eyes
my Prince Charming declares he's swapping
my fifty for two twenty fives.
He'll have a problem handling two;
his belly hangs below his belt.
He said my boobs were no better
like saddle bags...last time he felt.
See...they fall underneath me arms.
He knelt on 'em once and they spread.
Reckoned he was leaning forward
to switch on the light overhead.
He can't do things...like he used to
gets short winded and very abrupt.
When we were young...he worked all night
now he's all night...working it up.
Mind you...I don't give him a lot of help
like I did when I was young.
The elasticity has left my vital parts
you could say...spring has sprung.
We try to get together...
was recommended a book called "Fore Play"
wasn't a crossword or card game in it,
and the pictures were worn away.
I looked at myself in the mirror
perhaps the problem lies with me.
Surely the body doesn't fall apart...
...life begins at fifty.
I need to recharge by batteries,
get rid of my facial hair,
buy new underwire bras,
make 'em look like a pair.
My beau used a whipper snipper on my face,
"I'll trim it"...he said..."it won't pull".
So I laid on the floor with his foot on my neck,
it started...then ran out of fuel.
Just as well...it went berserk,
desexed our neighbour's cat.
I said..."Whatever you do...don't mention it...
when you give 'em the snipper back."
I've been going to the gym lately,
I wear the correct gear...
you know...leotards with that skinny strap
on the strategic part of your rear.
No-one told me to wear tights as well
as I sat on the rowing machine.
Imagine how I felt...when a man pulled it out,
thank goodness it came out clean.
I'm preparing my body and keeping fit,
you know age is a state of mind too,
don't ask me what state I'm in,
let's just say...'Thirty Two.'
Copyright; Shirley Friend
http://www.funnypoets.com
========================================
"Earn a Full-time Income from Part-time Poetry!"
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(or more) from poetry? You don't know where to start?
Find hundreds of tips and ideas from successful poets
in the exciting new e-book 'Earn a Full-time Income from
Part-time Poetry', compiled by Arcadia Flynn.
Omss, click here to find out more:
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Wealth Skills, P.O.Box 1041, Maleny, Qld 4552, Australia
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